Thursday, May 12, 2011

An Open Window

Last weekend I read a few posts by folks either honoring their mothers or lamenting the absence of a mother’s love and nurturing spirit throughout childhood.      

Whatever the case may be, someone raised each of us and instilled values that helped shape who we are today.  Who was that person in your life?   Was it your mother?   A grandmother, an aunt, a father, a foster parent?   What attributes best characterize that individual?  

My own mother was the paragon of virtue.  She never preached her faith but rather lived it daily.  Like St. Francis of Assisi she believed that one should “preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”  

When my daddy would get angry and fly into a rage, she never competed in a shouting match but handled him like a saint and responded like Mother Teresa. 

Then later she’d whisper to me in private, “See how a soft answer turns away wrath?   If you just ignore him and don’t sass he’ll soon make like a wasp and leave you alone.  Works every time.”        


One early spring day the temperature rose to unseasonable heights and my daddy struggled and wrestled like a madman to lift a window in the house, which seemed to be glued shut from lack of use during the winter months.  

He stood there in a sweat, swearing with every profane word he knew - which always made my mother cringe, especially when he used the Lord’s name in vain. 

 At last she walked over to the window.  “Excuse me.  Let me try.” 

I wouldn’t have believed what happened next if I hadn’t witnessed it with my own eyes.  At the mere touch of her fingertips that stubborn window slid right up automatically like a piece of done toast.   Daddy demanded to know “How in the hell did you do that?” 

My mother never missed an opportunity to brag on God.   “I just reminded myself that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” 
 

  What person in your life was the one most influential in your character development?   How would you describe that individual?

48 comments:

  1. Love the story about your mother and the window, she sounds like a wonderful lady. My Grandmother and Mother have both left lasting impressions on me. Nana is the saintliest person I've ever met, not sure she had any faults or human flaws as evidenced by the turnout at her funeral. She taught me about God and compassion for others. My mom has instilled in me the quality of giving to others and friendship as she certainly believes in both. They both have touched my life in many ways and deserve more than one day!! Great post!!

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  2. Debra, your mother sounds like a magnificent human being. We should all emulate such behavior, but alas, easier said than done. I love how she told you that "a soft answer turns away wrath." My nana came to my mother's aid when I was born. At the time, my mum was going through a bout of depression after the death of my brother. Nana ruled with an iron hand and yet she did it with such a soft, and quiet demeanor, half the time we didn't know whether we were being scolded or praised. However, no one dared cross nana. She was the spirit of authority but she was always loving and kind. I miss her so!

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  3. What a blessing your mother was, that's beautiful :) My mother never really discussed a lot of things with me, in the ways of spirituality or religion, but she was always there when I needed her, always loving. I would say my grandfather was the one while I was growing up with that really directed me a lot on my life's path, sharing with me his wisdom and his life's story, taking the time for walks in the woods, carving out large portions of my memory that belong to me and him alone. He probably had the most impact on who I am today.

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  4. your mother is a saint alright debra :)...i'm glad she has influenced you in your spiritual life... i've heard of similar stories from my missionary friend... for the most part, yes, it's also my mom who has influenced me... she's very religious...my grandmother is also one... but i came to love Jesus through the dreams He gave me as a child... i came to know of Him through the stories of my sister...God taught me to pray through St. Teresa of Avila... i think God draws people to Him in many many ways and all the people I encounter have shared their faith with me... right now, i consider you and jessica as my spiritual sisters... :)

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  5. @ David – I saw your comment yesterday – which I see has now been removed as a result of the Blogger situation - but I remember what you said. It certainly says a great deal about a person’s character when you don’t remember a single fault about them, as in the case of your nana.

    @ Bella – The way you describe your nana... “the spirit of authority but always loving and kind” reminds me of Christ, who spoke,” not as the Pharisees but as one having authority.” She must’ve been an amazing soul. I know you must miss her.

    @ Jessica - Your grandfather sounds like a true blessing, sharing his wisdom, his life’s story, and his time with you, his beloved granddaughter. I’ll bet you were the apple of his eye. These memories you’ll always cherish. And thank God for a loving mother who was always there for you too.

    @ Melissa – I’d love to hear of those dreams you had as a child that drew you close to Him… and add your sister’s stories to that. I did read Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila, and felt a kinship with her afterward. And now I’m blessed to have you as a spiritual sister as well.

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  6. I can see where you get your gentle spirit and loving ways from, Debra. What a wonderful woman of faith your Mom was. Growing up I learnt a lot from my Mom's quiet courage as she often raised us alone when Dad was away (he was in the Army). I'll never forget her strength when he was at war - she made sure our routine didn't change, our spiritual life was nurtured and kept our spirits up. Thank you for letting me dwell on this today.

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  7. Corinne – Likewise; I can see where you get your gentle spirit and quiet courage. From a mom who nurtured you spiritually and emotionally and physically while your dad was off in battle. What a mom she must have been to have raised such a remarkably wise and beautiful soul like you.

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  8. Sounds like your Mom was wonderful. That picture was chilling. I didn't have the best relationship with my mother growing up and when the doors finally started to crack enough for brief conversations she went to be with the Lord. That picture gave me chills. Still as a mom I'm learning every day she did what she could with where God put her and we're all learning to be mothers who carry God's nurturing love.
    Best!

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  9. Rebecca, your comment reminds me of a movie I once saw, My Life. The protagonist was battling cancer, which seems to have resulted from a life of pain during his childhood. Finally, he came to the realization that his parents, with all their faults, did the best they could. Amen. We are always still learning on this mom journey.

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  10. Debra,
    You are a kind spirit of love and light. You are lucky to have such a wonderful mother...
    xoxox
    Jessica

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  11. Now I see where you have inherited these virtues from,you are blessed. Not everyone is so fortunate.

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  12. Wow Debra your post touched me deeply this morning! I could almost see her gently touching this window and it opening. I think we all need a gentle touch now and then and I am sure it will do its magic exactly like with the window.

    My Granny played a very important role in my life and shaped me as a person in many ways. The relationship with my own Mom was rocky over the years but like you said she raised me and also instilled values in me. For that I am very grateful.

    Nelieta.

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  13. @Jessica – Some of the inspiration for this post came from one I read of yours last weekend - even though it was sad:( Thank you for your encouraging words.

    @ Alpana – You apparently inherited these same virtues from someone girl.

    @ Nelieta – Thank God for a Granny who helped shape you as a person, and for a mother who, in spite of the rocky relationship, instilled values in you; whoever was most influential did a wonderful job.

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  14. Hi Debra, Your mum sounds like she was a wonderfully strong and spiritual person. Your 'Open Window' story is a perfect example of how much strength we have when we are in tune with the 'Higher Consciousness' of God or Buddha or The Universe or whatever title we give to the beautiful river of Power and love that flows through us all. You are your Mother's Daughter...thank you for sharing this Debra. Love and light to you through the 'Open Window'.

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  15. Rosemary – In some ways she reminds me of your mother: both deeply religious and full of fun and spirit. And though neither of them is here physically, they are nonetheless still here, yes?
    That River of Power is indeed accessible and always at our fingertips.
    Love and light right back to you through the open window soul friend.

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  16. Wow, your mother sounds like a Proverbs 31 woman... Thank you for sharing :)

    http://ladyonaroof.blogspot.com/

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  17. Senorita, she was indeed a virtuous woman.
    Thank you for stopping by.

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  18. This is such a lovely post! My mother was definitely extremely influential on my family. Her faith in God never failed her nor failed to provide us with comfort in his words. She made us true believers.

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  19. I have a strained relationship with my mother, and lament on what could have been.
    I'm not going to get into specifics, but I believe that she is still the one who moulded me into who I am today.
    It's both the good and bad times that have helped sculpt me into the person I see in the mirror everyday. Hopefully I can learn from her mistakes and not make the same ones with my children.
    Beautiful post.

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  20. Romina, that’s the best way to view the relationship between you and your mother… that in spite of a strained rapport you have learned what mistakes not to make with your own children. Sometimes, unfortunately, the only example some set is what NOT to be like.

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  21. What a beautiful mother you have Debra; you make me miss my mother too. Although she was in contrast at all with your mother (might be because my mom had to raise 7 naughty children of her own), but she undoubbtedly loved her family and almost successfully kept the Children at least as Christians (though not the good one). Learning from yr story, I must admit, that is how actually all Christian women should behave; like yr mother, who is beautiful in heart, gentle and soft in words and her doing, most importantly put her man really as the head of the family, as Christ is the Head of Christian families.

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  22. Neneng - So good to hear from you girl! YOU were one of those seven naughty children? I can’t imagine such :) Question: What does “though not the good one” mean? You said your mother was a contrast to mine… you mean like a drill sergeant because she had seven naughty kids? Yes, my mother was a gentle spirit and a true blessing to all who knew her. Please stay in touch Neneng. I’ve missed hearing from you. What has been going on in your world?

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  23. Lots of good things to remember about A Good Mom! A nice Tribute to her.

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  24. Always a pleasure reading your posts, Debra. I love my parents equally but my dad was my inspiration and role model forever. Even after he has gone away , he continues to guide me and protects me with his unconditional love.Thanks for sharing your feelings with us.God bless...

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  25. Sulekkha – Some of your past writings reflect your deep love and admiration for your dear father; and, yes, I believe he continues to inspire you. ~ God bless

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  26. I can see all the goodness in you has been instilled in you by your mother. She was someone to look up to. My mother has been a great influence on me and I think what I am today is because of her. We are fortunate to have mothers who nurture us with love and care.

    http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.com/2011/05/mere-shadow.html

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  27. I was typing you a comment last week when Blogger went down... I love that this story ends with "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." LOL. I had a friend growing up who used that phrase a bit too often. :o)

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  28. Rimly, aren’t we fortunate - or rather blessed – to have had such mothers? Is yours still with you?

    Rachel – Last week was a Blogger nightmare. I read at least one comment that disappeared forever, and no telling how many others. And I see that some have already switched to WP. On to the phrase your friend used a bit too often… everything overused becomes hackneyed doesn’t it?

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  29. Your mother sounds like a wise and patient woman. I believe it takes a particular kind of strength to be strong on the inside and subtle and gentle on the outside - moving things along in a different way.

    From my mom, I learned how to find truth in the world and in myself, to trust my instincts and to take care and nurture those around me. Many other people have nurtured me through the years, and this is something I believe we all need at different times and points in our lives.

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  30. Kristen, it’s apparent that your mother must have been a dedicated nurturer to have produced such a nurturing daughter, as evidenced in your writing on spirituality.
    "And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see - or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read."
    ~ Alice Walker

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  31. Debra, your mother seems like a wonderful person...so much to learn from her. Lovely post. God bless!

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  32. Of course your mom was beautiful and kind. Just as you are. I enjoyed this post, as it revealed some layers to you I have not heard or seen. But you are such a deeply layered onion with such tales and lovely stories. This post made me realize that my parents truely were beautiful and raised me to be creative and honest and true. Bravo! Because being a parent is hard!!

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  33. What a wonderful story of your Mother Debra... Thank you so much for sharing that moment with us! I was Blessed growing up, to have a strong, intelligent and compassionate mother as well so I understand the dramatic impact it can have on our lives.

    Have a Blessed Day!

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  34. @Swati – Thank you for stopping by; and yes, she was a wonderful person. God bless you too!

    @ Memomuse – Yes, being a parent is hard, no doubt about that. But you, dear Meg, are one of the BEST moms I know. Though motherhood is a tiring and grossly underpaid job you tackle it like a pro.

    “Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.” ~Mildred B. Vermont

    From what I know of you, your parents indeed raised you to be creative and fun-loving, honest and true… and now you are passing along those same traits to precious Benjamin.

    @ Phil – I just wanted to share this quote with you by Robert Brault: “If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been.” A mother’s prayers go ahead of you and follow you all the days of your life, as there is no timeframe in God’s kingdom. Looks like your mother’s prayers paid off!

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  35. My own Mom did influence me A LOT, her drive and determination, and her own Xena princess warrior ( my term) for her it was her Native American strength that pushed her hard, which she pushed down to my sister and I. But I am the dreamy-romantic one that sees the world in possibilities and prisms, which is so not my Mom. That part of me came from my Dad. He was artistic and didn’t see the world in blacks and whites, and nor do I. Like most of us, there is the ying and yang component of who we are, which I am. I like to think, because of the extremes in my own genetic makeup that I have innate balance. I know when I am drifting too far right or left (most of the time), which is a good thing. I do find this topic fascinating, tho. It makes you stop and give your life a little nod and those that contributed to you turned out to be.

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  36. Brenda, I’d LOVE your mom – Aqua Net or not. She IS the one with the perfect head, right? I’ve met her once, when you picked her up at the airport :) Good thing you recognize the yin and yang in yourself, inherited from parents of opposite extremes. It does help us find balance and equipoise throughout life to identify these different components within ourselves.

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  37. Wow, your mom sounds like she was beautiful person, working from a place of inner peace. From your writings, I see that in you as well. My mom and late grandmother were very influential in my life; my mom instilled in me an appreciation of all things artistic, music, movies, visual arts, writing. She read poetry to me as far back as I can remember. She and my grandmother knew how to navigate the ups and downs of life. I'm working on a blog post about my grandmother's influence on my writing.

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  38. Sweepy Jean, being the writer that you are, I knew that someone must have influenced you in that direction. I’ve meant to say this before, but hats off to you for keeping up with the April poetry challenge. That was quite an endeavor. And just to be sure you were staying on task I checked in almost every day, even if I didn’t always leave comments due to time limitations:) I am SO looking forward to your post on how your grandmother inspired your writing. Staying tuned…

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  39. Debra, this is an inspiring story. She walked softly with a big stick...got things done quietly, and a calm settled over the room, and you knew. Such a great example. I really like your blog and the diversity within it. I am now following...again, thank you for dropping by and the congrats on the Lovely Blog Award...

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  40. Ravenmyth, she did walk softly and carry a big stick. What a pleasant surprise to discover your words, photos, and mythical magical site this evening.

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  41. My husband's mother was a lot like your mother. She was so sweet and loving and giving. She died last year at the age of 96. I had know her since I was 9 years old. I miss her every day.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and joining up! I have a crazy and wonderful group of friends, and they welcome you with open arms!

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  42. Judie,your mother-in-law sounds like a special lady, just like my mom. I'm sorry for your loss.
    I was charmed by your fun site. That red tam with the pin… and your one-of-a-kind poem… not to mention the art. Looking forward to hanging out with you wild and crazy gals!

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  43. What a great post in honor of your mom. She sounds like a wonderful women! I miss my mom so much but have her with me in my heart always!

    Lots of Love

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  44. Deanne, thank you for swinging by. Just so you know, you have been missed. Glad to have you back again dear soul.

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  45. Debra...
    I love the way your writing invites me into the visual picture. I could see your mother at the window and see the look on your dad's frustrated face. I am spiritually fed by the way you use your word...for me there is no better complement. Happy Sunday

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  46. This reminded me so much of my grandmother. I only remember a handful of times she every raised her voice over 26 years. I wish I could say I was more like her.

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